I climb too. Kind of.

Has anyone seen my climbing muscles? No? What do you mean, I never had any? Ok, maybe I never had any strong climbing muscles, but I had the potential for them. Now I don't even have that.

Whereas some months ago I was at 6B-level, boldly testing even some 6C and hanging from great heights without the slightest hint of fear of heights, I suddenly find myself confined to 5+. For those of you that have never climbed, a 5+ is for beginners. 6C is the boundary beyond which lies climbing greatness.

Not only do I find it really hard to climb anything more advanced than beginner stuff nowadays, I have also developed an unhealthy fear that I might fall. I'm not worried that I'll fall to the ground. Safety gear is as good as fail proof. No. My fear is that I'll swing horizontally and collide with the wall. This fear and lack of confidence is particularly strong when I'm climbing an overhang or a difficult route. Anything harder than a 5+ in other words. Where, if I pause my ascend for even a second, doubt and tiredness creep into my brain.

The wall has beaten me, thanks to way too many missed climbing sessions. I haven't been so motivated to climb the last few months, J has been injured, pick your excuse. But today I saw this marvellous, beautiful, strong girl climb up that 6B so easily that she might as well have been climbing a ladder. I wanted to be that confident little spider at that moment; to have strong arm muscles and a lean figure that doesn't waste too much energy. I've been feeling heavy, like I've been carrying an extra 100 kg up the wall. No elegance, no style. She, she could have been stuffed with feathers and helium.

So after the Christmas gluttony is over, I'm starting over. Running is great, but the well-shaped shoulders and "pincers" that can grab onto a tiny grip and not start shaking after one second can only be formed by climbing. No more excuses. I'll get back to 6B. Soon.