I don't usually have my mp3 player with
me when I run. When I'm in the forest, I prefer to listen to the
sounds of nature all around me. When I'm in the city, I want my ears
to be able to warn me about potential dangers, like oncoming cars.
This morning I took it with me, however, because I knew I'd be
running on the pavement, near traffic but not in it. I weighed the
risks and decided they weren't that great. I still managed to almost
get run over twice, first by someone pulling out of their driveway
and then by someone driving out from a parking lot. I swear, a lot of
people driving to work in the morning resemble zombies.
On my mp3 player I had a mix of upbeat
hard rock and wanna-cut-my-wrists-with-a-razor indie. The thought
behind choosing the latter for a long run was to get me to run more
slowly. Instead, it brought on a wave of emotions that I didn't even
know I was harbouring. I went through a wide spectrum, from anger to
remorse, from worrying to unexpected, almost ecstatic happiness. And
finally, relief and closure.
Society is built in such a way as to
distract us from thinking too much. Work, tv, junk food, shopping,
all leave so little time for reflection that we often repress all
those pesky feelings that bring us down. They offer an overload of
visual stimuli and little meaning. They fill our eyes and our
stomachs, but not our minds. Sometimes we need to open those flood
gates and let these emotions wash over us.
Needless to say, I've got things on my
mind. Things that my running usually gives me the opportunity to
analyse and work on. Having not being able to go for a long run for
such a long time, these things have been building up in my mind.
They've grown and grown in secret, without me noticing. With the help
of music, these thoughts were released, and over the course of my
long run, were analysed and brought back to their real proportions.
Now they're not that big and scary any more.
And, as a bonus, a ray of hope broke
through the heavy clouds hanging over Gothenburg. 22 km, the first
long run in weeks, felt easy. At some point I realised: I was
running. And then I smiled. My thigh cooperated as much as it could,
despite some mild annoyances now and then. In fact, it felt better and better the further I ran. It's a week and a half
left to Gothenburg Marathon. Hope springs eternal.
Gbg Marathon! Du är en fighter du! Jag kommer på cykeln o hejjar!
ReplyDelete...säger tjejen som tog sig runt Näsetloppet på kryckor! Haha...
ReplyDeleteNu får vi hoppas att jag förblir hel och frisk så att det blir av också. Viljan finns iaf :)