Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Why I'd rather run

Determination won over laziness this morning and I finally dragged myself down to the gym. There are many reasons to want to avoid it (for example, if the alternative is a warm bed) but there are also many, MANY reasons to go there (for example, if the alternative is getting my head shoved down a public toilet or getting my teeth pulled by sadistic monkeys with a wrench. What? It could happen). No, but seriously. A good reason is to build a strong body that can withstand the wear and tear of running.

I had been given some new leg exercises that involved free weights by the gym instructor, and I was curious to try them. I might have been a tad ambitious when I did lunges with a 5 kg-dumbbell in each hand but I felt strong. Beforehand. Because afterwards I could hardly walk. Never mind how I'm going to be able to run 10 km tonight. Truth be told, free weights are so much more fun than machines. I might just be able to drag myself to the gym once a week after all.

Or...might I? As I did a set on the abs machine, a gentleman sat on the rowing machine opposite me with his back turned and then I saw it. Half his arse was hanging out. No, not just a little bit at the top – HALF HIS ARSE. I averted my eyes in horror but my morbid fascination got the best of me. Surely he must have noticed he was mooning the entire gym and pulled up his pants? I had to look. Nope. Arse still there. The image was now forever burned in my retina and was going to haunt me in my dreams.

Now I know what you're all thinking. What am I, some sort of fashion police to dictate to people how to wear their clothes? What, am I like the Trinny and Susannah of the gym world? No. No, I am not. I hate that programme and everything it represents. But the plumber look? Doesn't look good on anyone. No one, period. Please put away that thing, mister. I don't want a butt imprint (or worse) on the rowing machine seat! It''s not hygienic, dammit!

I'm sorry I had to share this dreadful image with you. Let me cleanse your palate. Look, puppies!

Photo by Elvissa

Ahem. Sorry. Let's try again.

Photo by jay-em-tee

Photo by 23am
Photo by angelapatel

Gyms are clearly not for the germaphobes among us. I'm going to buy my own gym with the lottery money I'm sure to win any day now.

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