8x4

In running, eight times four equals much more than thirty two. You see, what happens when you run eight 4-minute intervals is that you break down your body. Afterwards, your body not only repairs itself; it also supercompensates by building even stronger muscles, so that it is better prepared for hard training next time. So eight times four is much more than thirty two minutes of nausea, sweat and teeth-grinding. It's laying down the building blocks that are the foundation of a strong body.

It is also a mental challenge. Running around a 200-metre indoor track provides few distractions from the physical exertion, few sights or sounds that can break the monotony. All that is available to you is your own brain, and your own brain doesn't want you to do this. Your brain wants you to stop and go lie down on the couch and feed it sugar. So when you're in your 16^th loop and you still have 16 more to go, you either need to shut down your brain and concentrate on how your body feels (which is less successful if your body is in pain, because then your brain will suddenly become very convincing that you need to go and read a book instead) or employ those areas of your brain that are mathematically inclined. Count loops backwards. Figure out what speed you're running at. Break down the total into smaller, more manageable chunks. Your brain needs to learn how to put up with hard work. Paradoxically, it is your own brain that needs to teach itself when to shut up.

Eight times four is about trust. Trust that your coach knows what he's doing, trust that the demands he makes of you are not unreasonable. You are putting your training into someone else's hands, but you also need to trust your own judgement, that you know your own body and trust yourself to listen to it if it starts sending you signals that you're pushing it too far.

But eight times four is not only about the hard work. It's also about the camaraderie of going through something with like-minded people. You and your club mates are all out there, fighting just as hard to complete this gruelling session. They inspire you to try harder with their own effort. They help you to keep running by providing you with a good back to follow. They encourage you with words and smiles. We are going to meet at a race somewhere and compete against each other, but on the indoor track we are a team and we help each other become better runners.

Eight times four equals so much more than thirty two.

Up before the sun

This is the scene that unfolds every single morning in the Shaman household:

4.42: Shaman lying in bed, sleeping.

4.47: Cat number one goes to the litter tray, poops, tries to cover up its poop, misses and ends up clawing the wall, the floor, the cardboard box that contains the tray. Everything but the sand in the tray. Produces a lot of noise.

4.48: Shaman covers head with pillow to drown out the noise. Feels blood pressure rising.

4.51: Cat is still digging on cardboard. Noise leaks in through the pillow.

4.52: Blood pressure gets dangerously high. Brain starts an automatic, subconscious effort to send Shaman back to sleep by flooding itself with thoughts.

4.53: Thoughts chosen by brain are not calm, happy thoughts, about summer meadows bathed in golden sunlight and birds chirping, a puppy licking my face or a walk through the woods. Thoughts chosen by brain are about what needs to be done at work on that particular day and the laundry that is piling up in the laundry basket. Something obviously wrong with brain.

4.54: Brain is far from asleep. Brain is more awake than ever. Shaman gives up, gets up to make some breakfast.

4.59:00: Shaman sits down with a cup of coffee and some delicious yoghurt, ready to enjoy the most peaceful moment of the day.

4.59:01: Cat number two goes to the litter tray.

Every. Single. Morning.

Sleeping in is an alien concept for me. I know babies who sleep in longer than me. I'm used to it, and let's face it, I am a morning person, so I don't usually suffer from it. Not that I don't need to sleep in sometimes. Having just recently increased the quality runs from one per week to two, my body needs the sleep to repair itself.

Last night, hill repeats were on the AIK schedule. 36 runners met up to run up and down a 700-metre long hill as fast as possible. I managed to do 4,5 repeats before the 30 minutes of effective training were up. It was hard work, especially while trying to keep all the contents of my stomach in my stomach. As with last Thursday's training, I paired up with a couple of runners I thought I was of pretty much equal ability to, which helped me to keep an even pace and make it to the top each time without drowning my thigh muscles in lactic acid. 

Trail. Soon.

The thing that amazes me the most is how quickly my body is adapting to different forms of training. Less than a year ago, during the first Wednesday trail run of the season (which includes many tough climbs), I had to walk up most of the hills. This year, I can't wait for the challenge. I know I will do better. Especially if my cats let me sleep longer in the mornings.

A big hard sun

I am so ridiculously sentimental sometimes. Put me in a pair of running shoes, point me in the direction of the blazing spring sun after a long, grey winter, play ”Into the wild” by Eddie Vedder for me and my lower lip might start quivering. On my way up to meet AIK for our Saturday long run, I leaned to the left to compensate for the strong gusts of wind over one of the river bridges. Right then, a tear might have rolled down my cheek. A tear of joy. Feeling invincible.

Few things fill me with such uncontrollable joy as having two healthy legs on a beautiful day. Partly because they're healthy and I get to enjoy them yet another day, partly because of the prospect of all the amazing trail runs that are ahead of me when the snow melts.

The moment didn't last. After approximately 12-13 kilometres, my left knee started acting up again, seemingly out of nowhere. I just about had time to wonder how I would ever build up my long run distances again if the knee starts complaining after only 12 kilometres. And how it was that my 15-km session at the beginning of the week didn't make my knee complain at all. And how it probably was because that day my speed varied between slow jog and bat out of hell. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it was over. I ran the rest of my planned half-marathon on legs that were tired but otherwise happy.

Maybe spring isn't here just yet.

On the indoor track, no one can hear your self-preservation mechanism scream

Thursday evening, seven thirty-ish, the 200-metre indoor track at the hockey arena. Time to run 4-minute intervals with AIK. Last week we did 4 such intervals, this week it is time to increase them to 6. A girl from the group asks me if I want to run the intervals with her, it can get boring to do them on your own. ”Sure”, I say, out of breath from our gradual acceleration warm-up, ”try” and it sounds like I'm daring her to try and keep up with me but what I mean, of course, in the shorthand way of talking I adopt when I don't want to waste precious oxygen on producing words when I can use it to keep my heart pumping instead, is that she can try and run with me without falling asleep while I try to catch up.

Earlier that evening, during my warm-up jog to the hockey arena, several body parts are complaining. My calves are sore. My head hurts. And my stomach is convinced it's getting the stomach flu just because everyone else at work has it (duh, it's not like it's contagious. Oh, wait...). So, when it's time for the intervals, I'm feeling a little apprehensive but I try to look tough, like I am Usain Bolt's faster twin sister or something.

My thoughts during the session go something like this:

1^st interval: YEAH INTERVALS BRING THEM ON. It's hard work but not too hard. My calves are sore but I will beat them into submission. Because the best way to deal with strained muscles is to work them even harder.

2^nd interval: One lap around the track, two laps around the track...this is getting monotonous. Are we there yet?

3^rd interval: Why am I doing this? Oh, that's right, because I like doing well at races. I'll just hang in there, I just know I can do it!

4^th interval: I CAN'T DO THIS! Ok, let's count backwards. Only three intervals left. 4 laps, 3 laps, 2 laps, 1 lap...weren't the four minutes up three minutes ago?

5^th interval: Am I about to throw up because I'm getting the stomach flu or because I'm running too fast? Was I -gasp!- wrong in my assertion that my calves would like the tough love I'm showing them, seeing as they hurt even more now? And, seriously, why am I doing this? Is shaving a few seconds off my PR at my next race worth this?

6^th interval: Let's lower our ambitions from ”I want to keep a 4:25 min/km pace” to ”Dear God/Allah/Buddha/Flying Spaghetti Monster, I am not even religious but please let me survive this and I will sacrifice a cow worm mosquito (sorry, I'm vegetarian) half-dead cactus from my kitchen window in your honour”. Alright, just one more, just one more, just one m-- WHY AM I DOING THIS?

An hour or so later, when I'm home, after a warm shower:

This was the best interval run of my life. WE SHOULD DO THIS EVERY WEEK.

Miracle interval elixir

So maybe I have unconscious suicidal tendencies

Since moving to Skellefteå, my knowledge of ice has expanded considerably. Before, I thought there were only two ice modes: ice and no ice. Now, I know that there are a thousand different variations of ice. Ice that is slippery, ice that is porous, grey ice, white ice, slushy ice, treacherous ice with a thin layer of water on top. I'm sure Northern Swedes have 50 different words for ice.

Looking out the window it's difficult to know what the ice is like at that very moment. The ground may look ice-free or just wet, only to turn murderously glass-smooth the minute you've run far away from home to even consider running back to get your spikes. That minute for me is three metres from the front door. I can run 20 km, but walking back a few metres to get the spikes is too much work.

Also, I hate my spikes. They make my knees and feet hurt. Although, knees and feet, you know what else hurts? A BROKEN LEG. So suck it up.

This morning I took a chance and left the house without spikes. The road up to the hockey arena slash meeting place with AIK was fine, with only the occasional easily avoidable ice patch. But our coach had no intention of taking us to any of those boring safe dry roads. After a short warm-up in the neighbourhood, we headed towards the hills of Vitberget. We kept a manageable pace and even my sore calves seemed to slowly give in and enjoy it. It was particularly fun to chat with my running buddies and plan this summer's adventures. Ah, summer and trail running. Two of my favourite things.

The last bit of the road leading up to the top of the mountain was covered in ice (of the slippery variety).

Ice and uphill running don't mix.

For every step I took to move myself forward, I glided two steps back. The ones in the group with spikes on their shoes had better traction and got to the top about four hours before me, but to the top I got. Then it was time to run back down the hill again.

Ice and downhill running don't mix.

For every very careful step I took to move myself forward, I glided three meters in the same direction. If only there was a downhill three-metre long slope leading to my front door, I might even consider turning back to get my spikes. We got halfway down the hill with no casualties, but then our coach had a little surprise for us. We left the road and followed a well-trodden trail/snowmobile track into the woods. 

Oh how I've missed trail running. I slipped and slid on the ice, I threw my arms to the side to get some sort of balance, but it was all worth it just to be able to run in the woods again. Where the path was covered in snow and I could pick up the pace a little, I skipped and jumped. I loved every second of it.

When the AIK session was over and I left the group to run home, I once again found dry ground. But it felt kind of boring by comparison. We might have done with a helmet in the woods, but you can't say that it wasn't exciting.

Spring feelings

Winter in Skellefteå lasted exactly two days this year. At least if by ”winter” you mean snow and temperatures well below freezing. The rest of the time the weather has been playing a sadistic game whereupon it has teased us with a little snow only for the temperature to rise again the next day, so the only thing left on the ground is slush and ice. This sequence of events has been repeating itself every few days since December and it has been enough to drive most of the local population crazy. The three of them not driven to drinking by the weather are obviously not skiers.

Now, on the last day of February, it's 4 degrees warm and the sun is shining with a warm glow. Green grass is emerging from the melting snow triumphantly, birds sing every morning and hearts soar. As the days get longer, do we dare believe that this awful so-called winter is coming to an end? Do we dare dream of lazy summer evenings bathed in orange light? Or will our hopes be crushed by new snowfall?

These were the thoughts that went through my head as I walked home from work. It had been an intense week, but I finished early and was looking forward to going outside in the sunshine. J got off work early too, so we set out for a run. My calves were completely beat. I try to train with AIK on Thursdays whenever I can, when they run hard intervals on the indoors track by the hockey arena. Last night we started with some technique training and then ran fast 4 x 4 minutes with 1,5 minutes slow jogging after each interval. I had my New Balance Minimus Zero shoes on, which – as the name suggests- have zero drop and which my legs haven't had a chance to get used to yet. This kind of training is tough but doable (at least if you're not purposefully trying to induce vomiting) and afterwards I ran home feeling light and elated.

This morning I woke up with two very sore calves.

As J and I jogged on the slush-covered pavements, I felt how my calves slowly softened. We ran the last kilometre down by the river to avoid the worst of the Friday rush-hour traffic and marvelled at how little ice there was on the water. A fisherman was actually fishing from the shore, something you don't usually see here at the end of February. As we approached home, we were met with full-on, blinding sunlight. Despite the ice, despite the slush, this was a perfect moment. Spring is here. Even if it's only here to give us a sneak preview of things to come.

Reboot

This morning I woke up thinking that it would be a shame to lose all my old posts if Blogger went bankrupt, or an asteroid hit the Earth.

Because my biggest concern if the latter happened would be that I would lose all my old posts, of course. Right before I burned to a crisp.

It would be a shame, not because of the sharp wit and excellent writing I have been offering mankind through the years which would be gone forever (you're welcome, by the way); it would be a shame because this has been my diary, preserving my training-related memories for later (or, let's be honest, now) when my brain is rotten and I can't remember what I've been doing with my life.

And then I regretted that I have not been updating it the last few months. Things have kept on happening with my training, and I'd hate for them to disappear in some dark, spider-web covered corner of my mind. Out of reach forever.

So I decided to try and start blogging regularly again. I'm not doing this for any reason other than to save my memories and share them with anyone who might be interested (that is, my mum and dad), but if you're curious enough about how slow I am these days or how painful my latest injury is, I hope you'll find my whining amusing.

First, a short summary of my training the last few months, just to catch you up. My self-diagnosed runner's knee might not be a runner's knee after all. Whatever it is, it doesn't let me run more than 20-22 km without complaining. I've also had some minor infections that have caused me to miss a lot of interval training. I don't feel I'm in a great shape right now, but I'm not too bad, either. So I'm curious to see how I perform when race season begins around April.

This morning I joined AIK for a run. Saturdays are usually long run days, but Sweden was going for a medal in the 30km cross-country skiing Olympics, and I think most of us wanted to come home early so that we'd see that (unfortunately, that medal never came). So, after warming up, we ran fast for 4,5 km, ending with a long upward slope. It has been a bad winter up North, with little snow and a lot of ice, and I struggled to stay on my feet while running downhill. Uphill it was a mental challenge to push myself, but I was quite happy with my overall performance given the shape I've been in. I averaged 4:50 min/km, a pace that felt comfortable without making me puke.

I left the others and ran home afterwards at a faster pace than I would have kept during a normal long run so that I would make it to the start of the skiing competition. I ”only” logged 17 km today, but let me let you in on my plans for this year. I'm going for continuity. I want to average 50-60 km per week, to build a good, stable base for the future, without succumbing to injuries. I have already reached that goal this week, so I'm satisfied. I'm trying to focus on the big picture, looking at week and month totals instead of individual runs.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to be able to go skiing. I haven't skied in weeks, not least because there is so little snow and so much ice this year. I am also hoping that Sweden will do better at the men's 50 km cross-country competition.

2013

Just when you thought that the blog was abandoned and you could sleep easy, here I am, wreaking havoc in your holiday planning with a long post about my 2013. For those of you who are already stressed out after Christmas, returning the sweater Aunt Ginger bought you (two sizes too large, is she trying to tell you something?) and spending hours on the StepMaster trying to burn those stubborn praline calories off your butt, the summary is this: it was a really good year. Now you can stop reading and go back to your post-holiday exhaustion.

For those of you gifted with extraordinary stamina and/or nagging curiosity, here follows a long account of what the fuss is all about. I can't promise you it will be worth your while, but then again, you can't find out unless you read it. If you start reading now, you might even be finished before the year is out!

I like challenges. I find it refreshing to throw in a little challenge in my life and try something new once in a while. I don't always succeed (I'm looking at you, Japanese lessons of 2005) but it's mostly good fun and I learn a lot in the process. I don't do it for anyone else's benefit than my own and for no nobler reason than because I feel like it. It gives me something to stress about on the weekends.

One challenge I embarked upon this year was the half Cannonball read. Read 26 books within a year and review them. It was the second year in a row I participated in the CR, but this year I completed the challenge as early as August, and went on to read several more books after that, albeit without reviewing them. Most of the books I read were crap, but there were some real gems in there.

Challenge number two was to write a novel in November. NaNoWriMo takes place once a year. Its basic premise is that you have to write 50.000 words within one month. They don't have to be good. They are just meant to get your creative juices flowing. I completed the challenge. The immense exhilaration I felt upon completion took me by surprise. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I was so proud. Then people started asking me if they could read the book, and I realised that this book would never be read by anyone else but me. In its present, unedited form it is shite, and I have no intention of going back to edit it, mainly because I'm a lazy muppet but also because I don't think it can ever be good enough. I am still proud of it, but it's not the story I wanted to tell, just a story I had to write. This experience has been great. It showed me that, if I ever decide to put my mind to it, I could write a proper book, one that I will share with anyone who's interested. I would really love to do that.

And now, for the moment you have all been waiting for, since this is a training blog and all: How was 2013 training wise?

It started off amazingly well. I had Lapland Ultra in my sights. I had a training schedule I followed for several weeks without a hitch, and I dared to hope that maybe this time my body would be on my side. Unfortunately, it wasn't, and I suffered my first injury early on in the year: a strange, intense pain on the back of my right knee. I could hardly walk, let alone run. I let my dream of Lapland Ultra go. It felt okay to do so.

When I got back on track, I watched instead how my times in different distances got better and better. My training with AIK had done wonders. In May, I got to stand on the podium to receive a medal after Luleå half marathon. In August, I got first place in a local track race. The rest of the races I ran saw me climbing to positions I had never before thought possible.

In July, J and I spent a week in Hemavan. I was sorely untrained for the demanding terrain but still managed to log a very respectable total of 120 km running and hiking. The only downside to it all was an injured foot: I had managed to twist it during a trail run earlier that summer and it wouldn't heal for months. In fact, I am not sure it is healed even now. As long as I stay away from trails, it's fine. Hemavan was, of course, nothing but trails. My foot was a constant reminder of how easily things could go wrong.

And speaking of trails, one of the best experiences of 2013, hell, of my life, was Salomon trail Ultra in Umeå last September. The promised 48 km was ”only” 45,6, but the finish line was a sight for sore eyes. I had gotten myself a runner's knee somewhere around the 20^th kilometre but still stubbornly refused to drop out of the race and get my first DNF. It took me almost 6 hours, but I got to that finish line.

Achy knees have been my constant companion since then. Thankfully, I haven't had to take a complete break from running, but my long runs have suffered cutbacks. That is to say, I haven't run any long runs since the race. Maybe because of this, or maybe because of the terrible, grey, icy, snow-free winter we've been having up here, my motivation to get out and run has been non-existent (as evidenced by the extra couple of kilos that magically appeared on my thighs). Maybe I am just winding down for this year, basking in the good feeling of everything I have achieved.

And next year? The older I get, and the more experience from running I gather, the humbler I get and the more realistic my goals are. I become better and better aware of what my body can and cannot do. I become better at being patient. My focus next year will be to put down the foundations I will build upon in 2015. I will strive for continuity in my training, rather than progression towards a goal. I will strive for strength and variation. I hope that this strategy will keep me injury-free. It's about time I had an injury-free year, don't you think?

Salomon trail ultra in Umeå

Here I was, a few days ago, contemplating giving up on this blog entirely, because I felt I didn't have a story to tell any more. And then I went and entered an ultra race and found myself with a story to tell.

A lot of my training the last few months has been about speed. I have improved my times immensely, even climbing up to top-ten spots in local races. I did a few longer runs during the summer, but I didn't seem to have the same focus and motivation to run really far as I used to. Then I half-decided I would try to do Umemarathon in October.

That's when a couple of running buddies from the club asked me if I wanted to join them on a 48 km trail race in Umeå. ”No way!” I replied. ”I haven't trained for that”. ”Neither have we”, they said, and explained that this was to be an adventure, a day out in beautiful surroundings.

Despite my initial hesitation, a couple of days later my name was on the participants list and my stomach was so full of butterflies, I had to force my carbohydrate-rich food down.

On the day of the race I woke up at 03.20 and was unable to go back to sleep. My fellow adventurers picked me up around 6, and we drove on country roads bathed in a golden September morning light. Hunters were stationed by the road at places, holding their rifles in their lap and waiting for an unlucky moose to walk past, but the only moose we saw were the couple we almost ran over with the car. 

We gathered at what looked like a conference lodge, professional-looking, compression socks and buff-clad runners picking up their bibs and chatting. We got some information from the race organisers and then it was time to head down to the beach by lake Tavelsjö. That's where the start was. Excited and apprehensive at the same time, I tried to keep up with the long, snake-like line of runners rapidly disappearing before me but I knew I'd have to take it easy and save my strength. There were some nasty hills ahead. Not to mention several hours' worth of running.

Taking pictures while running can be hazardous to your health

The race took place mainly on the 39 km-long Tavelsjö trail, through birch and pine forest, first climbing up a few kilometres and then rolling down gently towards Umeå - although we all agreed that it certainly didn't feel like we were running downhill. The view over Tavelsjö was astounding and I was glad I had entered a race where I could take it easy and enjoy the scenery.

The trail was littered with large stones and roots at many places, and I countered that by running like a cat in a puddle of water. This put a lot of pressure on my left knee, which responded by sending me runner's knee signals. I got worried. I had only run about 20 km at this point. Was I going to have my first DNF? I walked a few steps, stretched and could continue without pain.

My knee kept on sending me signals whenever the trail got too technical or I had to run down a hill, but kept quiet otherwise. This gave me hope that I would be able to complete the race. I was getting really tired, though. I walked up hills and ran on the flat parts, chatting with my friends at times and keeping to myself at other times.

We noticed early on that the aid stations seemed to show up earlier than expected, and soon enough it was confirmed that the race was going to be shorter than 48 km. I didn't mind. After all, I wasn't trained for this, and with my knee playing up I'd only be too happy to let it rest a bit earlier. We reached the last aid station with only 9 km to go. We ate some chips and drank some Enervit before we continued. Our little group split up soon after that and it became a race to see which one among us would get to the finish line first (spoiler: it wasn't me).

Some of us ran elegantly and seemingly unhindered by fatigue. Others (me) had to struggle to keep upright and not start crawling. With 4 km to go, I did what I had successfully avoided doing during the first 42 km of the race: I set my foot down in an angle that made my old injury flare up again. There was even an ominous cracking sound. I limped up the slope, trying to shake it off. After a few minutes, I was good to go. I should really have someone look at that, I thought for the umpteenth time.

I had now entered Umeå and ran among houses and parks. Even here the organisers had (impressively enough) found real trail to run on, even if it meant running on a grass slope outside the cemetery. I could hear the speaker announcing that yet another runner had made it to the finish line, and I could hear the crowd applauding, but I was surrounded by trees I couldn't see past. The last kilometre was fuelled by sheer will power, since I seemed to have run out of carbohydrates long before that.

The finish line was now visible but there was one last hurdle: an upward slope. I forced my legs to keep moving and they responded well. This was not the part they had trouble with. After running upwards, I had to run downwards again towards the finish line, and my knee wasn't too happy about that. I ran in a zig-zag manner, which kind of seemed to work. I stumbled the last few steps to finish in just under 6 hours. Happy.

We celebrated later that evening with pizza and beer. I even managed to walk to the pizzeria without pain. I woke up this morning with sore muscles, but it wasn't too bad. I couldn't feel the 45,6 km, in other words. I had a blood blister on one toe but -other than that it did nothing to make my feet look prettier- it doesn't bother me.

My knee was, unfortunately, very stiff. Getting J to massage my thigh with the rolling pin hurt, which is yet another sign that this might be runner's knee. I will rest and stretch it and then try a shorter run towards the end of the week. Hope it goes well.

It's strange. Even if this is runner's knee, I don't regret running this race. It was such a wonderful experience, such a great adventure in the woods, the icing on the cake of a great running year.

Cannonball Read #26: The Ocean at the End of the Lake by Neil Gaiman

The Ocean at the End of the Lake was the last book I read to complete my half Cannonball Read, and I couldn't have picked a better book. But boy, is it ever a hard book to write a review of.

Let's get these two facts out of the way first: I don't usually enjoy Gaiman's work (heathen!). And: I loved this book. Was it a literary masterpiece? Was its plot original, more developed, deeper, more fascinating than all the other books I read these past few months? It's not important. Not right now, when I'm writing this review just a few minutes after I finished the book. What matters is this feeling.

Our narrator is a middle-aged man, heading back to his childhood home after a funeral without knowing why. While there, memories long forgotten start coming back to him. Difficult memories. Yet, beautiful in their own way. The lonely, friendless seven-year old version of our narrator goes through terrible loss, and he deals with it with some help from the neighbours down the lane, the Hempstocks: Old lady Hempstock (the grandmother), Ginnie (the mother) and Lettie (the eleven-year old daughter).

I don't want to reveal too much about the plot, because it is a short book and revealing more than the above would be spoiling the whole story. And it is frustrating, because I need to talk and think more about this book. Gaiman tackles some pretty serious issues, and he does it through the innocent eyes of a child, not a precocious child but a believable child, a frightened, vulnerable child. I found it refreshing to have a smart child that's not older than his years at the centre of a story. These serious issues could break anyone, let alone a little boy, but if you're a lonely boy with an over-active imagination you just might find a way to cope, and our narrator does.

The writing was beautiful and reminded me of a couple of my favourite authors at times, Stephen King (ca The Body/ Stand by me) and Terry Pratchett. Gaiman's descriptions of the environment were so vivid in detail, as honest as a childhood memory, and I nodded my head in recognition, remembering similar adventures I had embarked on as a child. Magic was at the core of the story. Magic in the descriptions, magic in childhood, magic in the way a desperate child thinks he or she can change the world if only he or she can wish it hard enough.

This book had so much heart, so much sorrow and sweetness. It is a book I will be revisiting and thinking about often.

Cannonball Read #25: The Dinner by Herman Koch

Disjointed. Unlikeable characters. Badly written.

So, Shaman, tell us what you really think about The Dinner by Herman Koch!

Two brothers and their wives meet up at a fancy restaurant to discuss a very important matter that has to do with their children. The narrator, one of the brothers, recounts the events that led up to this evening. These events are presented in a detached way, without emotion. Explanations are given, yet nobody is held accountable, let alone takes responsibility willingly. Still, every single person around that table should be stepping up to the plate.

The book is divided into sections named after the course the two couples are currently eating. This I found an annoying gimmick, especially because the dishes – otherwise completely irrelevant to the story – are presented in detail (something that has made me skip whole paragraphs when reading Game of Thrones). Maybe this was done on purpose, to irritate the reader and bring him or her closer to the state of mind of Paul, our narrator. By all appearances in a constant state of irritation and with a dangerously short fuse, he makes for a character that's hard to empathise with. His beliefs are at such odds with mine that I almost shuddered with distaste every time he talked about them. I suppose that, if there is one thing Koch succeeds in is to prove that, if you're not careful, you become the monster you detest.

Writing-wise I found the language too simplistic, although that might have depended on the translation. It was difficult at times to understand when the events described were taking place, as the story jumped from ”now” to ”two hours ago” to ”some months ago” to ”many years ago” in a disjointed, confusing manner. Some of the narrator's recollections seem to do little to add to the story except further irritate the reader.

The Dinner was a quick read and it did make me think, so it wasn't a complete waste of my time. But I enjoyed watching Carnage, a film with a similar premise, much more than this.

Cannonball Read #24: Señor Peregrino by Cecilia Samartin

A colleague lent me this book. It's important to write that, because it's not the kind of book I would have otherwise chosen to read. But, for me, the Cannonball Read has been an opportunity to try new genres. Broaden my literary horizons, so to speak.

Señor Peregrino is the story of Jamilet, a young Mexican woman carrying a secret. She was born with a birthmark over almost half her body, from her neck down to her knees. Jamilet is convinced that American doctors can perform miracles and remove the birthmark, so she takes herself over the border illegally and makes it to Los Angeles. There, she moves in with her aunt and soon enough she finds a job at a mental hospital, taking care of an older man (the titular Señor Peregrino) who refuses to leave his room. After a while, he starts telling her his story.

It's a common plot device. The archetypal old man tells a story so deep that it makes his captive audience go through a personal transformation. I kept trying to remember what film or what book it reminded me of. There's probably loads of them out there. As I turned the pages, I waited for some transformation to happen, something to explain what message this book was trying to convey, some pearls of wisdom. Unfortunately, unless I completely missed the point, this aha-moment never came.

Jamilet is an interesting character, at least to begin with. The burden she carries should be an excellent tool in the hands of the writer, her plight a chance for personal development and perhaps for rising above all fixation with appearances. Instead, we're led onto a different path, that of Señor Peregrino, and his fixation with beauty, with just a dash of desperate love. I found myself confused. I felt like there was supposed to be a meaning with the telling of his story, but the book read more like two separate stories that were only connected by a tentative professional relationship between Jamilet and Señor Peregrino. The word ”miracle” appears often, so perhaps we're meant to think that a miracle has occurred by the end of the novel, yet it is an underwhelming miracle, the personal transformation almost non-existent.

Señor Peregrino was not a bad book. It just left me wishing it had packed more of a punch.

Cannonball Read #23: The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas

Rarely does a book manage to fill me with apprehension after just one paragraph. But The Slap did it. After just one paragraph I was prepared to hate this book. I usually hate books that only have despicable characters in them.

Set in Melbourne, the story revolves around a group of people related to each other by blood, friendship, marriage. While these people are together at a barbecue, one of them slaps a three-year old child across the face to protect his own son from getting hit by the child. The group is then divided between those who think that the child deserved it and those who believe that no one should ever hit a child and that the family should press charges.

From the description above, you would think that the genre of this book is legal drama, or perhaps a murder mystery, but what it really is is a character study that has mostly nothing to do with the titular slap. Divided into chapters where each chapter follows a different character, it reveals their secrets and dark desires. It is unrelenting in its portrayal of these people's lack in basic morality, and it is an ugly world it paints. There are no good people to offer redemption here, no one to shed a light in this bleak suburban existence, just bad and less bad people. People that are obsessed by how they look, how their lives look, how their own needs will be satisfied. Except maybe one.

It is that person, right at the end of the story, who made me change my perception of the book. This person would probably be judged as ”bad” by some (hopefully a few), but in my eyes he never did anything inexcusable. This made me wonder if some of the characters I found horrible, narcissistic, self-absorbed would get a pass by other readers, just like the slap was deemed horrible by some and ok by others. And, perhaps, that's exactly the point Tsiolkas is trying to make: that we all play by our own set of rules, and as long as we don't break any rules or are too outspoken about the ones that we do break, our own version of immorality goes largely unnoticed by the world around us. But morality is so bound by cultural standards that it becomes a very relevant question, especially in this day and age, in our multicultural Western societies. At several points in the book, for example, the adults complain of young people not showing respect for their elders. This complaint is, in itself, laughable, because, by all accounts, the adults in this story haven't done much to deserve this respect – they just expect it.

An easy read, The Slap kept me interested throughout, its depiction of some deeply flawed people like a bad car accident that just forces you to rubberneck. Thankfully, my fear that I would hate this book was unfounded. I didn't love the book either. The lack of redeeming features in the characters felt unrealistic, and that so many rotten of them would find each other to spend time and procreate with only amplified that feeling. But it was definitely a thought-provoking book that I would recommend to my less-sensitive friends.

I won't even mention how many times I stumbled and almost got my skull crushed

I couldn't come to Hemavan and not try to put in a long run. J had spent the night in a tent somewhere close to Kungsleden, the King's trail. I consulted the map. I wanted something relatively flat. I say relatively because we're on the mountains. Nowhere is flat, except maybe the airport, and I'm not even sure about that. I had run to the first STF cabin a couple of years ago, a long run that I remembered fondly. Now I was curious to see what lay beyond it. During our hiking trip here a month ago, we had put up the tent about a kilometre after the cabin, right at the mouth of the Syterskal valley. The map told me that a reindeer guard hut bookended the valley on the other side of the passage.

I ate a hearty breakfast and set off around 9. I walked the first 4-5 kilometres, knowing from past experience that they are uphill and not worth wasting energy on. Speaking of energy, all I had with me were two flapjacks and some peanuts. In hindsight, it was probably a bit optimistic of me to think that would be enough. I also had almost three litres of water, my VFF for crossing streams, a towel to dry off my feet afterwards, a compass and map, an emergency whistle and a bandage. Just in case.

An hour later I was able to start running. I met a few people along the way, said quick hellos. I saw a dark brown forest hare disappear into the jungle-like vegetation near a stream. The sun was mercilessly turning all intake of water into steaming perspiration before I had even started running, and now it was threatening to turn my brain into boiled mush. It was unbearable. The heat sucked all my energy from me. I tried to combat its loss by eating but what I really wanted to do was to jump in a stream. Soon enough, I came to a big one, the one we hadn't been able to cross without poles on our previous trip. The water was so low now that I didn't have to change into my VFF. I splashed some cold water on my face and on my head. It was a great relief.

Some clouds had started casting thick shadows across Syterskal valley, as I could see even before getting to the STF cabin. This was great news for me, of course. After passing the cabin and our old camping place, I was enveloped in the darkness cast by the clouds. The ground was flatter, too. I could run longer distances without having to stop all the time. I did have to stop where the terrain got really technical. Huge, unstable stones covered the path at times. At some places, little rivulets of melted snow from the vast mountain walls above made the ground into a muddy mess, forcing me to stop and think how I would get across. I didn't want to get my shoes wet. I had a long way to go and my feet had enough blisters as it was.

Blisters. I had gotten them during our 32 km-long hike up South Sytertoppen (1685 metres high) two days earlier. My legs were tired, sure. But the blisters felt like needles were stuck into my feet with every step. 

The ridge we walked on our way back from South Sytertoppen

I saw the reindeer guard hut in the distance. It got closer, but at an excruciatingly slow pace. It was mental torture to be able to have my goal in sight, yet feel like I'm running on a treadmill and getting nowhere. The Syterskal valley was adding to this effect by being monotonously flat, with no distinguishing landmarks.

Finally, I was there. I turned to look at the valley and its two sentries standing on either side, North and South Sytertoppen. The precipice at the Eastern side of South Sytertoppen looked horrifying and I couldn't believe we stood just a couple of metres from its edge two days before. 

South Sytertoppen looms over the reindeer guard hut.

Two runners showed up just as I was trying to figure out where I was going to take a break and eat. We started chatting. One of them had started off in Abisko (where Kungsleden starts, approximately 450 km from Hemavan) and the other one in Ammarnäs (”only” 80 km away). I reflected on my own condition. I couldn't help but compare myself with them. I had only run 11 km at that point and I was already knackered. How did they train for such an enormous adventure?

After a quick bite, I felt some raindrops on my arms. It felt nice to get cooled down but I knew that if I stayed too long, I would start getting cold. The sun was shining somewhere else at the moment. I got a text message from J, who had climbed up a 1300-metre high top and was getting a bit worried that there might be a thunderstorm on the way. Mountain tops and thunderstorms are not a good combination. I hurried back, thankful for the flatness of the valley this time, but then I realised that I couldn't help J. He was half-running down that mountain, and I wouldn't be able to get to him before he got back to his tent, at the foot of the mountain. I took another break by our old camping site, removed my shoes and socks and put my feet in the cold Syterbäck river water. Heaven.

Beach 2013

An hour later, I saw J walking down the slope near the bridge, waving his hands at me from the other side of the river. I waved back, glad to see he was ok. I ran over the bridge to meet him. After catching up briefly and getting an update on each other's plans, I decided to run back down to the village a different way. Big mistake. I climbed up the first bit of the trail and tried to start running when the ground became flat again. It didn't work out so well. The mud that covered large parts of the trail was threatening to suck the shoes right off my feet. Then, the trail got divided in two, looking just as untrodden on both sides. I, of course, picked the wrong side and was soon bushwhacking through a birch-canopied, Downy Willow (Salix Lapponum) shrub-covered forest, completely lost with nothing but an inkling to where I was supposed to be going.

Warning! This is where my parents should skip the next paragraph. All others, keep reading. Great stuff.

Bear poo. BEAR POO. Right by my SHOE. In the middle of the forest, in the middle of my frantic efforts to find the bloody path again. I'm not certain it's bear poo, at least not until I see something that looks suspiciously like a bear paw print in the mud, but unless they've been lying to us all these years and the dinosaurs are not, in fact, extinct, I can't imagine what other animal would be able to produce poop this size. I'm so sorry, Internet, that I was a lousy blogger and didn't stop to take a picture of the poop. I was too busy getting the hell out of there, with my emergency whistle in my hand. A whistle that I was hoping would scare any bears away. Yeah. These are the phenomenal survival skills that would make me think bringing a kitten along on a swim in Australia to scare off approaching sharks is a fantastic idea.

Why, hello there, mum and dad! You just read all that, didn't you. Well, I did warn you.

I didn't have to use my whistle. The only thing that attacked me was a swarm of really persistent flies and something that kept buzzing angrily in my ear. I found the path and was hit by a tsunami of relief. A few minutes later, I was down by the road and the tsunami of relief was replaced by a heat wave that almost made me choke. Without the trees to provide shade, I ran on the tarmac road back towards Hemavan, suffering with each step, sipping on my water but suspecting that the reason I was so sluggish was salt deficiency. I had sweated buckets, as anyone who stood within 100 metres of me could attest to. I also desperately craved ice-cream but I only had 10 crowns with me and wondered if someone at the store would take a look at me, feel sorry for me and give me one for free. I didn't test my theory. Instead, I switched off my Garmin at 27 km and walked the rest of the way up the hill back to our flat. I reckon that the total distance I covered today, including the walking parts, was close to 37 km, and it took me 7 hours to do it. The thermometer showed 33 degrees in the sun.

I bought an ice-cream on my way to pick up J.

Cannonball Read #22: Shift by Hugh Howey

Hugh Howey's Wool was one of the best books I read last year. Original, clever, well-written, I've recommended it to lots of people. Naturally, I was excited to find out that there was going to be a sequel.

Shift mainly takes place before the events described in Wool. The story of Wool, for those of you who haven't read it (obviously, SPOILERS ahead) revolves mainly around Juliette, a young woman living, together with thousands of others, in an underground silo. The world above is toxic and anyone who is unlucky enough to get kicked out of the silo dies within a few minutes. In Wool, we don't find out exactly why things are the way they are. Shift tries to do that. Through the main character of Donald, we get to look back at the world before silos, and how it became a toxic wasteland.

Just like Wool, Shift was released in parts before it was published as a book, and just as in Wool, I found the first half to drag on a bit – maybe because of their episodic nature. The issue I had with Wool, namely that...

SPOILERS!

Characters are introduced and fleshed out only to be killed off, turning out that they weren't important to the main story after all

/SPOILERS

bothered me a bit with this book too. But, in the end, the biggest issue I had with this book was that our main character seemed to reach important conclusions about the secrets that were hidden from him (and from us), yet these conclusions were never fully revealed to us. Was I not paying attention? Do I lack the capacity to follow the same logical steps as he did? I kept thinking that the big revelation was just around the corner, a revelation of such enormous importance (you want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!) that it kept me turning the pages. But the revelation never came. Not in a way that I was able to understand, anyway. In the end, I felt a bit cheated and the hints that there was a great mystery felt like nothing more than a way for the author to produce a thicker book.

That said, I still enjoyed reading this book. I love the world of the silos, the idea that whole societies live underground, unaware of each other. I want to find out more about these societies, their psychology, their religion, their politics. I will be reading the follow-up, Dust, but my expectations may be a little lower this time.

Drottningleden – The Queen trail

So what if my quads were shot because of yesterday's fiasko? My throat felt fine this morning and so did I. Looking through the window at a sunbathed Hemavan, yesterday's reluctance to ever run in the mountains again seemed like a dream. Days like these are rare in the mountains and you have to -sorry for being corny- seize them.

Still, the painful memory of twisting my already injured ankle was fresh. I chose Drottningleden, the Queen trail, that stretches between Hemavan and Laisaliden, and which is relatively simple to hike on (ergo, a good running trail). The first 3 km are uphill, so I walked up the toughest parts – which was most of them. I had decided to let this run take however long it takes, not stressing about having to walk at places. I had all day, hardly a cloud was in the sky and I was feeling great.

This hawk (or one like it) is there every year, always circling the exact same spot by Drottningleden

I reached a point where the uphill parts were shorter and far between, and took a moment to breathe and admire the view. A reindeer male could be seen a couple of hills away, looking majestic, with a huge crown on its head. I realised that yesterday's deer was probably just a reindeer after all, but I'd be forgiven for thinking that it was something wilder: I had never seen such big, brown reindeer before. I usually see the smaller, white/grey ones, grazing around the plains. The reindeer were now close enough to photograph, and were kind enough to stand still while I snapped a couple of pictures.

The illusion of solitude and fragility I usually associate with being alone on the mountains was soon shattered. More and more people started showing up on the trail, all of them heading towards Hemavan. A group of primary school-aged children wandered around with only one or two adults to accompany them. It was starting to feel like Saturday at the shopping mall, and I didn't like it. Then I came across three MTB cyclists who had stopped to rest.

- Are you out getting some exercise? one of them asked me.
- Yes, it's a beautiful day for it, I replied.
- Mountain weather is not usually like this, he said. It's only been such weather 3 or 4 times whenever I've come here.
- Are you guys heading towards Laisaliden? I asked. Because, in that case, I'll keep my ears open for you. Ring your bells to let me know you're coming.
- Well, then, you should run faster! one of the other guys quipped with a grin on his face.

I told them I'd do my best and started running again. I got to Laisaliden about 20 minutes later, and, while I was having a look around at the trail head, the cyclists showed up.

- I made it here first, I told them cheekily.

- Are you going back the same way? they asked.

- It beats the alternative, I answered and pointed at the narrow, asfalted road that led back to Hemavan.

- Then all we can do is applaud you, one of them said.

They wished me a good day and left me to climb the first tough segment of the Queen trail back. I stopped by a stream to fill up with energy and water, and then continued, passing group after group of hikers. My quads were complaining. Loudly. What was an easy, gently downward sloping trail on the way to Laisaliden was a long, uphill struggle on the way back to Hemavan. I walked more and more, not even wanting to push my legs any harder, jogging carefully among the stones where I could. I had to take a longer break before the trail turned down towards Hemavan again, which did wonders for my energy. The view from here was amazing. Everywhere I looked were snow-clad tops, and today, none of them were covered in clouds. Several hundred altitude metres down, I could see Hemavan airport and the village. I could even see where our flat was. All the familiar landmarks looked so small, you'd think they were tens of kilometres away. Yet I knew that I didn't have long left to run.

I heard shouts. A woman I had passed on my way to Laisaliden was now standing on top of a cliff with two dogs on a leash, whistling and calling a third dog at the top of her lungs. As I ran past, she asked me if I had seen a loose dog. I simply answered ”no”, biting my tongue. What I had wanted to say was that maybe she shouldn't have had the dog loose in a nature reserve, where it is forbidden. Maybe the dog ran after one of the reindeer I had seen earlier on. Still, I hoped she would find her dog. Losing a pet is a terrible, terrible feeling. And it's definitely not the dog's fault if its owner doesn't know how to handle it.

The whole excursion took me 3 hours. Of the approximately 17 kilometres between the flat and Laisaliden, I ran just over 14. Not bad. This is trail running at its best.

Trail running in Hemavan, day 1

I've been looking forward to this trip since we started planning it a year ago. I have been longing for the undulating trails of Hemavan since I first ran on them two years ago. But, after my first excursion over the bush-covered hills at the foot of the mountains, and after a hot shower and burrowing into my sleeping bag in this cold flat we're renting, I'm not sure I want to ever run a trail again.

We got here around 4 yesterday afternoon, and after eating some dinner and unpacking our things, I went for a short jog around the street-illuminated prepared path by the village. Oh how wonderful it was to breathe in the crisp air. How at peace I felt in the familiar surroundings. How my legs worked effortlessly. I forged grand plans in my head, long runs that would take me to see new places. I could do all that, because I felt great. I felt strong.

Then, this morning, I woke up with a throat that, while not exactly sore, was not exactly the healthiest throat specimen in the world. Still, I put on my running clothes and picked a destination: I would follow the stream into Kobåset, the valley between two imposing mountains.

To get there, one has to start by following Kungsleden for a couple of kilometres. A few hundred metres in, I was already knackered and reduced to a walk. No, not a power walk or anything even remotely resembling exercise: it was a zombie-like, slow stumble, while my lungs and heart worked furiously to pump oxygen into my blood.

Shelter: Fjällfinakåta

Let me take a break at this point to tell you that J and I had started off towards the same destination at the same time, only J was going to hike there. A couple of kilometres later, I could still see him, not so far behind me. That's how slow I was.

Anyway, I was stubborn enough to continue. I ran a few metres, walked a few metres. After the trail diverged from Kungsleden, it became more and more wet and stony, the mud so thick at places that it sucked in my shoes and refused to let go. Single-track is not the word I would use to describe it. No. There wasn't even enough room for one single person to walk on, unless this person was walking sideways like a crab.

Yep, this is the trail...

At some point I must have passed some invisible barrier, the ground must have levelled off or my legs were finally warmed up, because I found myself running, happily splashing through the marshes, balancing precariously on stones, casting quick glances at the still-not-ripe cloudberries, listening to the plovers and the approaching Kobåset stream. I crossed the aforementioned stream without a problem, only to find out a hundred metres later that the track, or whatever that was, ended abruptly near the entrance to the valley. The view was beautiful and wide, from cloudy Sytertoppen to Hemavan and even the sunlit, snowy Norwegian mountains in the distance.

This, too, is the trail. Sytertoppen is in the clouds.

I turned back, and 2 minutes later I met J. Told you I was slow. We gave each other promises once again that we'd continue to be careful and I left him to continue his hike, while I tried to hover over the marshes in drenched shoes. Once I got back to Kungsleden, I looked at my Garmin. Only 6 km! And it had taken over an hour? I needed to keep running. I had my eye on another route that would take me further on Kungsleden and then turn westwards towards Klippen and the village, a route that was new to me. Kungsleden went on being pig-headedly steep, and I found both my physical and my mental energy draining quickly. Then, the thing that was not supposed to happen happened. I put my foot down in a weird angle, and my injury flared up. The pain was excruciating and lasted a lot longer than it usually does. I was convinced that I had taken my last running step in Hemavan and that I would have to hop back to the flat on one leg.

A couple of minutes of groaning and cursing later, I tried putting some weight on the foot, and then walking on it. It felt ok, so I tried running on it. That felt fine, too. No pain at all. Onwards and upwards I ran and/or walked, my mood so rotten that I thought only following my plan would fix it. Suddenly, the most awe-inspiring creature, the stuff of fairytales, appeared further up the trail from me. It was half-hidden by the trees, but I thought that it was far too magnificent to be a mere reindeer. No – it had to be a deer. Its crown was enormous, its beautiful face nature personified. I started reaching for my camera, that was, somewhat inconveniently, inside my backpack. The deer started moving away, and I went after it like a hunter, fumbling with my camera at the same time as I tried to tiptoe silently towards it. Before I knew it, the deer was gone and I had veered off the trail onto a mountain bike path. For some reason, I chose to walk up that path, instead of turning back towards Kungsleden, probably thinking that the two paths would meet further up. They didn't.

I reached the top of the hill and for a moment I was unsure how far off the path I had gone. I recognised the ski lift over my head, but I thought I remembered Kungsleden being much further down the slope. Then, I saw an orange-painted stone and breathed a sigh of relief. It marked Kungsleden and it wasn't far at all. Further down, I could see some signs, and I hoped that one of them would point me to the direction of Klippen, my destination.

Once I got there, I was disappointed to find out that the only signs there pointed either towards Hemavan or the STF cabin in Viterskalet. The path to Klippen was much further away. At this point, my energy was at a dangerously low level. I hadn't brought any food with me, gravely underestimating how much time this little jogging trip would take me. I made up my mind: I would turn back.

It was mostly downhill from here. This was good (because I didn't have hills to struggle upwards) but also bad, because the path is littered with stones and the downward speed makes it easy for runners to twist their ankles. Mine was already injured and it wouldn't take a lot to make it hurt again. Despite my exhaustion, I was careful and managed to get back without incident. The hot shower was longer than usual. In fact, I think I might have used up the whole village's hot water. And all this for 12 lousy kilometres.

When I grow up, I want to be a real trail runner.